maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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