We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
