sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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