i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
