We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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