i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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