Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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