and my herpes radar will keep us safe
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize