Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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