two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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