It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
