id be glad to
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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