My Higher Power is John Stamos
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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