you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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