just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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