I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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