Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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