Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
