Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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