You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
