soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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