I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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