Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i wish my penis had a tongue
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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