I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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