No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's official drugs can't kill me
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
