she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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