no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
