Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
