I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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