i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
