Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Couch. On fire.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
