hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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