I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
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