Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
