Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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