If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
