They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
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