DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
