hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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