Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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