I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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