I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
