Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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