I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
