I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
