gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
