i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
All I want is dick and wine.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
