she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
