I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
