hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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