She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
