Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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