sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
