I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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