that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
