i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
